Klosterman: 5 of 23

You meet your soul mate. However, there is a
catch: Every three years, someone will break both of your soul mate's
collarbones with a Crescent wrench, and there is only one way you ca
stop this from happening: You must swallow a pill that will make every
song you hear--for the rest of your life--sound as if it's being
performed by the band Alice in Chains. When you hear Creedence
Clearwater Revival on the radio, it will sound (to your ears) like it's
being played by Alice in Chains. If you see Radiohead live, every one of
their tunes will sound like it's being covered by Alice in Chains. When
you hear a commercial jingle on TV, it will sound like Alice in Chains;
if you sing to yourself in the shower, your voice will sound like
deceased Alice vocalist Layne Staley performing a capella (but it will
only sound this way to you). Would you swallow the pill?

Obviously I take the pill. We're talking "soul mate" here, not some random chick. I take the pill, give up music & keep my girl safe. I'll probably go insane, which won't be aided by the passion for music I assume my "soul mate" will have, but it'd be worth it.