Exams: Winter 2011

I've never, in my entire academic career, had to study as hard as I did for this most recent round of exams. A written test had never scared me before. I won't hide the fact that I was afraid to lose. All I needed was a D- & I did everything I could do to get it.

I'm so unmotivated and yet I fear failing this final...
— janet (@yourgirljanet) April 24, 2011

For those of you not in the know, this year I attempted to change my major & a few weeks ago I got my conditional letter of acceptance. Like the profs told me, the letter explained that my cGPA needed to stay above 2.00. While that was no problem at all, the letter brought a new twist. If I failed any course, my acceptance would automatically be revoked & I'd still be in the PCS program. If that happened, this entire year would have meant nothing & next year would leave me 6 credits shy of a degree in BLG while being excluded from the BLG program. Normally, I'd have no issue with this. However, I took an Organic CHY course this semester & it was rough. I took part one of this course two years ago & I still consider it one of the hardest courses I've ever taken. Part two wasn't any easier. I failed the first midterm &, due to my stubbornness, didn't drop the class before the deadline. I then proceeded to fail the second midterm. The majority of our class was struggling but I was the only person with his graduation at risk. After stressing out over this & consecutive sleepless nights, exams came; whether I wanted them too or not.

The only way I could avoid my fear of failing CHY was to spend time studying for everything else. I'm usually relaxed when exams come but this time I approached it more strategically than ever before. Every move was made for a reason & ever minute was spent to improve my chances avoiding an F. The first two exams passed without much trouble. They were spaced out enough for me to stay relaxed. The last three courses though were on consecutive days &, of course, these were my hardest courses.

My solution was to lock myself in "the zone". I didn't talk to anyone who wasn't in the house with me. The people I care about most were going through their own battles & I left them all in order to take care of myself. I even missed out on free UFC 129 tickets in Yonge & Dundas Square due to a 7hr study session in the library. This isn't the type of move I make often & I hope everyone understands why I did it. I'd never leave them high & dry unless I had to & this seemed like what was necessary.

This morning, final grades were released. I made it. I scored a D in CHY & all signs point to me getting into the BLG program & graduating at the end of next year. I'm not going to celebrate like I usually do though. My goal is to take this one in stride & keep moving forward. I suppose I grew a bit this year. There were more ups & downs in this one than ever before. I don't know what next year has in store, nor can I tell if you dreams come true. However I can promise you that nightmares can be avoided & that hard work pays off. Sometimes you just have to put the world on your back & sprint. Fear no failure.